A month ago I fell down a flight of stairs and broke my ankle in three places. After the surgery implanted ten screws and a steel plate to keep my ankle together, I am still not allowed to bear weight on it.
I’ve been extremely uncomfortable, but surprisingly more so *emotionally* than physically. It’s not a secret to me that I’m a codependent caregiver who feels more at home giving than receiving. But I didn’t realize how much anxiety would be triggered by my inability to care for myself.
I’ve been sitting with my discomfort while others walk my dog, make my meals, wash my clothes, and buy my groceries. Maybe some would enjoy the relaxation, but this has been, for me, a searing lesson in allowing and balancing. I’ve been dialing in to Al-Anon meetings to remind me to surrender my ferocious grip on control.
I’m learning what the first linked article below points out, that “receiving with grace isn’t about taking,” but “offering someone else the joy of giving.” Ernest Holmes said: “I am grateful for the blessings as a result of these conditions.” Just a slight twist on I Thess. 5:18 (“Give thanks in all circumstances”).
As the second article below points out, “the truth has a funny way of setting you free… faced with a sensation that was completely foreign and extremely uncomfortable to me—the idea that I was more vulnerable than I wanted to believe—I finally saw a glimmer of light.”